


You Melt In A Scent With A Flower

by LostInTheStanning



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Depictions of Illness, Hanahaki Disease, Kihyun accepts his mortality, M/M, Romance, Showki, angsty angst, artist minhyuk, author kihyun, doctor changkyun, editor hyungwon, gym owner hyunwoo, his friends do not, people will probably have bad days, personal trainer Hoseok, producer jooheon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:00:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23798074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostInTheStanning/pseuds/LostInTheStanning
Summary: Isn’t it ironic to write about love when it’s technically killing you? Yeah that’s what Kihyun thought too and yet he spends his days fulfilling the fantasies of other people. Coughing up the painful flowers he was sure he would finally be rid of. And then he wasn’t. He wasn’t sure which part hurt him the most; the flowers or the lie that he had been loved. Fate is indeed a cruel mistress. Kihyun is dying and his only wish is to just write. He has accepted his solitude. But what if he had another chance? What if his real love had been around before?(AU: Kihyun has Hanahaki Disease, unknowingly having feelings for an old friend in school but being too naive to realize it and instead going with the safer option in his best friend, bad choice. They meet again but will it save him?)
Relationships: Chae Hyungwon/Lee Hoseok | Wonho, Lee Jooheon/Lee Minhyuk, Son Hyunwoo | Shownu/Yoo Kihyun
Comments: 11
Kudos: 31





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I’m using Dojoon’s name but he isn’t the actual artist so don’t panic! I wanted to try writing about this fictional illness after reading about it. Twitter @InStanning

_”Wait you love me too?”_

_“Of course I do would your best friend lie?”_

_Yes, yes he would. Maybe he had some psychic episode that told him of his impending doom. Maybe he thought if he said it it would free his best friend from his painful illness. Whatever the reason had been was buried in the ground with his friend. As Kihyun stared at the tombstone he had many thoughts. Some he wasn’t very proud of. Dojoon had been Kihyun’s best friend for years. He was never supposed to know Kihyun’s feelings. Never supposed to find out about his pain. Coughing up flowers in the high school bathroom wasn’t as sneaky as he thought it was._

_Kihyun should have been wary, he should have been suspicious. But he was drowning in the sensation of freedom when his best friend told him he ‘felt the same’. Dojoon had always been sacrificial as a person; why had Kihyun not realized that? He felt betrayed and he felt alone. So very alone._

_-1 Year Later-_

_Kihyun had to continue. His writing had been picked up by a publisher. His editor was around his age and they got along for the most part. He was the only person now that knew of Kihyun’s illness. Not by choice. Chae Hyungwon had tried to get the stubborn author to accept surgery but he simply said it was what made his writing so real. So he wrote and he wrote. Sometimes staying up for almost an entire day just to write. His doctor monitored him but even he had begun to lose hope with Kihyun’s survival chances._

_But that’s okay because maybe not everyone gets to be loved._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet Kihyun and his crappy preservation instincts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter sort of explains the plot better. I feel like the summary and prologue may have been confusing! Follow my twitter @InStanning for updates :)
> 
> TW Pill abuse  
> TW Death mentioned a few times

The rain made a nice white noise. Even the cold, grey skies provided a background for Kihyun’s purpose. A cemetery. Not his ideal hangout place but you would find him in the same one every year from now on. On a specific day. The day his best friend of many, many years had died. He preferred to come when no one else was there. He’d see their flowers of course. But he needed that time to be alone. Needed to feel his anger and guilt eat away at his soul. Definitely better to do alone. 

Truth be told it wasn’t Dojoon’s fault he died. It was an accident. Kihyun didn’t blame him for that. Death was inevitable either way, no human could truly control it. Kihyun wasn’t mad at that no but he was mad. Mad that his friend tried to give him his freedom. Freedom from an illness that Kihyun wouldn’t wish on anyone. He knew it wasn’t ill intended and his friend had hoped it would be enough. But it wasn’t. Kihyun still felt the painful flowers that he coughed up. He felt his own weariness. 

Kihyun and Dojoon had been best friends throughout the majority of their school lives. Where Kihyun was more of a responsible, book worm his friend was outgoing and popular. Yet their friendship was strong. And truth be told Kihyun had always harbored a small crush on Dojoon. The male could male anyone fall in love with him honestly. But had it been love? Kihyun didn’t think so now but when you’re young you can easily fool yourself. Towards the end of high school they met another boy, Son Hyunwoo, he would graduate before them but until he did he spent a lot of time with the two. He was quiet and calm, refreshing from loud Dojoon during study time. 

And Kihyun wasn’t blind. Hyunwoo was awkward but cute. So maybe he’d enjoy their time spent together a lot more than he realized. When Dojoon was out on dates or at parties they’d hang out together. It was normal. And when Kihyun began coughing up flowers that too became his normal. He had hid it well. Until one day it happened at school and Dojoon came looking for him. He wasn’t supposed to know because Kihyun couldn’t really understand it. So he lied. He hoped he’d understand eventually but a lie would do. And the lie stayed. 

After graduation Kihyun pursued writing. He loved reading. He wanted to put his own writing out there so he worked tirelessly. And he coughed flowers. Dojoon was worried. He knew it. But he never thought he’d look more in to the illness. It was still so rare. And Kihyun didn’t think he’d drunkenly admit a crush either but here the two friends were. It was okay though because they were still friends. Kihyun still coughed up flowers and Dojoon still worried. He wished he knew his friend’s thoughts. Wished he knew that his friend fully believed if he said he loved him that he’d save Kihyun. 

Kihyun wished he didn’t believe him. He wished he didn’t feel that glimmer of hope. Yet he did. And as if Fate was offended his best friend was in a car accident the next day. The day after telling Kihyun he loved him he died. He was devastated. Completely torn up. And the second worst thing was the flowers. They kept coming. They kept coming and so did the tears. Dojoon didn’t love Kihyun. Not romantically. He didn’t save him. Kihyun was furious at first. Furious that hope was at his fingertips; that he had just accepted Dojoon’s confession because it just made sense. They made sense right? Why couldn’t they make sense they knew everything about each other.

The funeral was a finality to Kihyun’s fate. His only option, the only obvious option, was buried in the ground. 

So he stood now quietly holding the handle of his umbrella and staring at the gravestone perfectly chiseled with Dojoon’s information. Memorized already in his mind. He rubbed at his sore sternum and stayed for another ten minutes. Willing his own nightmare to end. If he could just drop dead here and now it would be romantic. But alas his body wasn’t in an agreeable mood today. So Kihyun made his way back to the driver he hired and went home. Home to his fancy apartment. The only reason he could afford it was the letter he received a few days after Dojoon’s death from a publisher. 

Congratulations Kihyun you’re a bonafide author. And you’re dying. Isn’t that just wonderful? Kihyun had laughed like a maniac when he read the letter. He must have been a terrible person in a past life. But now he had meaning for the most part. He would bring forth all the feelings he wished he’d get to experience and pour them over the heads of the romantics in the world. He would put fantasies down on paper and when he died they would stay behind. Reminding the world of it’s own cruelty.

—————————————————————

A loud knocking woke Kihyun up. It took his eyes a second to focus before the knocking sounded again. His stiff muscles protested as he stood from his couch. A glance at his watch told him he’d only went to bed a few hours ago. Before that he’d been hunched over his laptop typing endlessly. Kihyun stretched his arms and shuffled to the door. He knew who it was. A pink haired male who could rival any model stood there. Glasses perched on his nose as he eyed Kihyun, “You look like shit.” Was the first thing his plump lips said as he walked inside. 

Kihyun hummed at him and ran a hand through his own auburn hair which he was sure was a mess. “You stayed up all night writing didn’t you?” The pink haired male’s voice reached Kihyun from his kitchen as Kihyun sat back down on his sofa. “I’m almost done.” Was his response and a few minutes later the male carried in two cups of coffee. “You know Ki you’re always on time, you don’t have to forego sleep.” His editor, Hyungwon, spoke quietly to him as Kihyun sipped the warm liquid. The liquid warmed his insides and Kihyun sighed happily. 

“I just like being ahead of things Wonnie.” He replied after a second and ignored the scowl his editor had. Was he supposed to tell him that he wrote so he wouldn’t focus on his own demise? He had a nagging feeling it was coming. “You need a vacation.” Hyungwon replied back and Kihyun chuckled, “Soon maybe.” He heard the derisive snort from his editor at his remark. Hyungwon was the only one who knew Kihyun was sick. As if the universe wanted a repeat Hyungwon had found Kihyun hacking in the bathroom. He’d been afraid something was wrong so he rammed the bathroom stall open. Surprise! That was a weird conversation. 

“Hey do you want to get dinner tomorrow night?” Hyungwon asked suddenly and Kihyun blinked in surprise. Truthfully Kihyun didn’t have as many friends as he used too; Hyungwon was one and another was a very hyperactive artist named Minhyuk. He knew Hyungwon’s boyfriend Hoseok casually and that was the same with Minhyuk’s husband Jooheon. So a gnawing guilt crept up his spine when he hesitated for a second, “Um...sure I guess, I’ll finish another chapter tonight.” He saw Hyungwon about to argue that so he cut him off, “Will Hoseok-hyung be joining us? He asked quickly. 

Hyungwon narrowed his eyes at him but nodded, “Yes. He just got a new job we’re celebrating so dress nice.” He huffed finally at Kihyun before standing. “I’ll bring dinner by, please rest.” He called over his shoulder while Kihyun saluted him. The clicking of his front door made the room lapse in to silence. Kihyun stood and gathered the now empty cups to deposit them in the dish washer. He didn’t have the energy to scrub them. He peered in to his office for a second and fought the urge to sit at his desk. He’d be there for hours if he did. 

Kihyun went in to his bathroom instead. He dug around his medicine cabinet until he found the bottle of painkillers he used. His doctor would probably be against it but Kihyun wasn’t in the position to care very much. He stared at the bottle for a minute before removing two and swallowing them down with water. Afterwards he crawled in to his bed and hoped he’d avoid dreaming tonight. The dreams made everything worse. 

—————————————————————

Kihyun woke up hours later still feeling woozy from the painkillers. He went in to the bathroom coughing. Eyes tearing at the petals he caught in his hands before throwing them in the toilet. He sat down hard on his rump grateful the bathroom rug at least cushioned some of the pain. He laid his forehead on his knees and stayed like that. “Why can’t I just die?” Kihyun whispered to the empty bathroom and squeezed his eyes shut. Finally he convinced himself to get up and wash his face. Sleep had always been an issue for him the last few months even with painkillers. He considered getting something stronger but had put it off for the time being. 

He padded in to his office once more and started his laptop up. Pages lay around his desk of ideas he had when he was out doing short errands. He’d get inspiration at the strangest times and writing it down meant he could keep it forever. Or at least until he croaked. He laughed darkly at his thoughts before reclining back in the comfy chair he’d found. At least sitting for hours was somewhat bearable with it. His fingers flexed for a moment before he rested them on the keyboard. And with that his brain went in to autopilot as he hammered away words of adoration that he never heard. 

—————————————————————

Kihyun sat outside his apartment on a small bench, a cigarette between his lips as he exhaled smoke. He remembers when Hyungwon saw him smoking and freaked out. He argued that even though he was sick he should exacerbate the whole thing. Problem was Kihyun was terrible at self preservation. He exhaled more smoke as he regarded the messages from Hyungwon about food. Truthfully he wasn’t very hungry. His stomach felt like a stone was in it. He typed back a quick reply saying he was making his own dinner tonight since he missed cooking. 

Hyungwon would hopefully believe that. He stubbed out his cigarette on the ground before chucking it in to a nearby trash can and heading back inside. His chest was already aching terribly but he knew it wasn’t from smoking. He had been avoiding taking more medicine because he needed a somewhat clear head to write. Then again maybe his ramblings would come across as some cool fever dream or something. That or he’d end up writing some really messed up stuff with tentacles. That caused him to laugh. 

He stepped back on to his apartment to check his phone one last time. Hyungwon was nagging him about actually eating and then reminded him of their plans to go to dinner. Kihyun raised a brow at how urgent Hyungwon seemed to get a response from the next barrage of texts so he finally answered. Yes he’s still going to dinner and yes he’s currently still alive. With one last amused look at the grumpy text he received in reply Kihyun made his way back in to his office. Locking himself away from the real world.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reunited. 
> 
> TW Death mentioned   
> TW Pills mentioned

Water swirled in his bathroom sink as Kihyun brushed his teeth. Somehow he peeled himself from his bed after a few hours of rest so he could go to some dinner. He wasn’t in the mood for company honestly but then again the last few months he had zero will for company. Not that that had stopped Hyungwon from coming over. Oh and that weekend Minhyuk had wormed his way in while Jooheon was on a business trip. Kihyun could begrudgingly admit he may have had fun that weekend doing absolutely nothing. 

Kihyun brushed his auburn hair off his forehead carefully, brushing product through it to keep it styled. He added a bit of color to his eyes in the hope that he would look less like a corpse at dinner. He pulled on a nice, black button up shirt and some dark blue skinny jeans. The restaurant Hyungwon had picked was known to Kihyun. It had a nice atmosphere and good food. Plus the dress code wasn’t as strict and there was no way Kihyun would wear a tie anyways. He gave himself one more glance as he slipped on black leather shoes and left his sanctuary. 

His driver arrived right on time like always. He gave him the address and scrolled through news articles without actually reading them. The drive took a little longer because of traffic but Kihyun finally arrived. Fashionably late. But he was still there so that’s what mattered. He entered the well lit restaurant and glanced around to see if he’d catch a glimpse of his tall editor. A hostess finally led him to their table and Kihyun realized there was a fourth person leaning over a phone with Hoseok. Hoseok was easy to recognize with his muscles and purple blonde hair. But this golden skinned guy was new. 

As he approached Hyungwon spotted him and seemed almost relieved. Kihyun pasted on a bright smile at the three pairs of eyes that now turned to him. It was then that he felt something clicking in his brain while staring at the black haired male by Hoseok. A weird sense of deja vu or something similar washed over Kihyun’s body. “Kihyun-ah this is Son Hyunwoo, he owns the gym Hoseokkie is working at now.” At some point Hyungwon’s words managed to get in to Kihyun’s ears and he processed it quickly. Son Hyunwoo? His eyes widened, “Wait we went to school together right?” Kihyun blurted out without hesitation. 

The black haired male, Hyunwoo, blinked comically before awareness lit up his features. “Yoo Kihyun?! It’s been years hasn’t it?” He smiled so wide his eyes became crescents and Kihyun felt a weird happiness at the familiar sight. Sure Hyunwoo was a bit taller and his frame more athletic with a lean muscular build. Kihyun definitely didn’t remember his shoulders being as broad. At least his round cheeks had stayed. Kihyun realized he got lost in thought when everyone was still staring at him with serious looks, “Ah I’m sorry, what did you say?” 

Hyunwoo sent him a sympathetic smile now, “I said I’m sorry to hear about Dojoon-ah. I remember you two being close in school.” Kihyun stared at him quietly for a moment before nodding slowly. His mind was bombarded with memories and feelings which made him have to catch his breath a moment. “Yeah he was my..best friend.” Kihyun finally spoke softly and tried to ignore the sad look Hoseok was giving him. 

His eyes glanced up again and met with Hyunwoo’s once more. Hyunwoo had a serious expression but Kihyun could see the pity in his eyes. As he studied the more mature looking Hyunwoo he was reminded of their study sessions or when the taller male would hang out with Kihyun when Dojoon was off being social. His mind’s eye supplied him with the memories and he felt a hang touch his shoulder gently. Reality came back and Kihyun felt like knives were in his chest. “Ki you okay? You’re pale.” He saw Hyungwon’s face in front of him now and he nodded quickly. “I-I need to go to the restroom excuse me.” His words tumbled out like a waterfall and Kihyun beelined for the bathroom. 

He was already coughing before he reached it but didn’t spit petals out until he was safely locked in a stall. In his haste he missed Hyungwon saying something about him probably eating bad food that morning before the taller male followed quickly behind him. Kihyun stood with his hands on his chest as he wheezed. Why now? Why did it hurt so bad now? He squeezed his eyes shut and jumped when someone tapped on the stall door, “Ki?” Hyungwon’s husky voice reached his ears and Kihyun attempted to gather his wits. “I’m fine Wonnie” He said before the other could ask, “I just need to go home, my doctor makes house calls.” 

Technically his doctor didn’t make house calls but he had pitied Kihyun when he began trying to treat him. Though the doctor was younger he was a prodigy in the medical field and quite eccentric compared to most doctors Kihyun had met. They had formed a weird sort of friendship after a few months and he was easy to talk too. Even if he lectured Kihyun about how many pills he took a day to function. But Kihyun had shakily texted Changkyun the situation and the other promised to be over as soon as he could be. 

Kihyun unlocked the stall door finally and was faced with a worried Hyungwon. The pink haired male sighed and pushed his glasses up his nose as a nervous habit, “I’m sorry Ki.” He finally said as the short author began washing his hands. He met Hyungwon’s eyes in the mirror and smiled, “Let’s go out this weekend, I’m sure I’ll be fine by then.” He saw Hyungwon considering that before he finally nodded. Kihyun dried his hands quickly and regarded Hyungwon with a raised brow as the other was still lurking. “Will you need a ride home? I brought my car.” Kihyun felt gratitude for the offer but shook his head, “No my driver is probably still nearby anyways. Enjoy your dinner for me.” He grinned widely at Hyungwon before the other slowly left the bathroom; still sporting a worried look. 

—————————————————————

Kihyun sat on his living room floor and stared at nothing. He felt numb. White noise filling his ears while he stared. He could see the past in his head and he wanted it to stop. The warm tears tracking down his cheeks didn’t stop the flow of memories. The late night chatting, the sleepovers, movie dates, and graduating together. Seeing Hyunwoo had brought back his teenage years before this damn illness started. If only he knew he’d have enjoyed it more. Maybe stepped away from his books and went out. There was no time for regrets he supposed. 

A knocking on his door finally broke his stupor. He stood and held in a groan at his sore joints. Not moving for awhile seemed to anger his body. He shuffled over and simply opened it before shuffling back to his seat on the floor. A grey haired male walked in with a stethoscope around his neck. His hair was slicked back on his head showing a face with a strong nose and scrutinizing eyes. He was good looking even Kihyun could admit that. He had sort of a mysterious charm when you first met him. Of course his immature side broke out once he was comfortable. 

“Kihyunnie” the male had a surprisingly deep voice for his youthful appearance, “How are you feeling now?” He walked over to squat down in front of the auburn haired male. “Tired.” Kihyun’s throat was dry and he winced at the sound of his own voice. He felt the cold stethoscope in his shirt but was so used to it he didn’t flinch anymore. “Still having trouble sleeping?” Changkyun asked after removing the stethoscope and sitting on his butt in front of Kihyun. “Yes but at least I get a few hours in.” Kihyun responded with a shrug and ignored the look Changkyun gave him. 

Kihyun slowly stood up again and wandered to the windows in his living room. He was up high enough for a decent view and for the light of the setting sun to paint the room. He slid the window open and leaned to peer out. “You know Ki” Changkyun’s deep voice was far away in the kitchen and suddenly close as the sound of a beer opening reached Kihyun’s ears, “I’ve told you that you could get surgery. Why do you still refuse?” The doctor leaned against the wall near Kihyun and watched him. For the longest time the author didn’t respond. 

He went to his hanging coat and dug around in a pocket until he fished out a box of cigarettes. Once he was back at the window exhaling smoke did he feel capable of responding, “Why bother?” He said on an exhale and Changkyun shook his head softly. “You’re young and there’s a lot to see in this world.” The doctor offered as a reason and Kihyun snorted. “There’s no point for me Changkyunnie” He exhaled again and watched the horizon, “I don’t feel like living anymore anyways.” The words he kept inside slipped out but he simply looked at Changkyun with a vacant expression. 

He saw the doctor run a hand down his own face in frustration, “Why? Why do this to yourself? I can save you!” Kihyun almost felt guilty upsetting the doctor but he didn’t apologize. “I’m unlovable” Kihyun replied and looked at Changkyun with tired eyes, “I’m suffering because I’m unlovable.” He snuffed out his cigarette in an ash tray and took Changkyun’s beer to sip from it. “Will you refill my medicine?” He asked casually and Changkyun scowled at him. “You know I’d remind you how bad those pills are in the long haul but you’ll ignore me” Changkyun’s sigh reaches his ears as the doctor walked back to the front door, “However it pains me to see you suffer so yes, I guess.” The younger male threw up his hands before he left. 

It was quiet for awhile before Kihyun finally texted Changkyun an apology. The doctor replied back sarcastically before being affectionate in the next message. Kihyun rolled his eyes but chuckled softly at the sudden switch. 

A few hours later and sufficiently pain free from a large dose of painkillers; Kihyun heard his phone vibrate on the wood of his desk. He unlocked it to scan his messages finding a few from Hyungwon asking if everything was okay and if the doctor had been by. The most recent one startled Kihyun. Hyungwon had apologized first but informed Kihyun he’d given Hyunwoo his phone number when the dark haired male had asked. Kihyun pinched the bridge of his nose but told Hyungwon it was fine. It was wasn’t it? Kihyun’s fingers brushed over the keyboard of his laptop and after a moment words began flowing.


End file.
